Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
