I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
