I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
