He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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