Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
