so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
