everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
