Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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