I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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