we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
