just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
