yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
