he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
