i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
