Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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