and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she peed on how many people?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
