she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
