No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
