but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
