Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
