i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
