I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
