You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
