My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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