Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
