i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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