Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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