batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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