He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
