god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
