Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
