I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was confusing and full of hummus
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
