wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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