Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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