I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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