i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
be right there i have to get my cape
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
