I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
