I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
