I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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