I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
