Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
