So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
