i already hear my dad disowning me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
