Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
