i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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