You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
