My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
