Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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