Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
