I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
