Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My vagina is very pro this idea
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
