after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
