it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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